July 16, 1999

I saw Alden Vining at St. Stephen Catholic Church in Berwick. He came over to tell me how much he enjoyed my column in The Daily Review. He said my writing was so different from other writers and he wished that there were other people who wrote as I did in the Morgan City-Berwick area. I try to keep my writing simple, funny and down to earth! Thank you, Alden! Keep Reading, there is plenty more to come.

I know a lady in Morgan City who talks so much that last summer her tongue got sun-burned.

One experience that is unforgettable is when my son and members of his band designated me as their driver. I bought a long, black car for approximately $25. I think that at one time it was a hearse because there were long glass windows on each side. Every time Melvin Dupre would get into the car, he would shiver and he said it always smelled of graveyard flowers.

I would always drive them to their destinations and always drive them home afterwards when they had finished playing. They were a jolly group, always laughing and always half polluted from muscatel wine.

One night as I was driving through Napoleonville, they were really cutting up. They had all the lights on in the car, drinking, laughing loudly, clowning and making noise. Just them a cop stopped us on the Main Street of Napoleonville. He said to me: “Stop – you are a drunken driver.” And then he booked me for drunk driving and fined me $5. I was the only one in the car that was sober – I never had a drink!

Why is it that every time you go to a supermarket, most everything you buy is fat-free. I have been all over this world and the fattest people I see are those in the United States. It looks to me as if half of the people are 25 to 50 pounds overweight.

Do you think that everything you see if fat-free? It’s just a gimmick, maybe it’s about 5 percent fat-free.

When I was a young boy, everybody killed hogs. They made their own sausages, hog-head cheese, lard and cracklins. Also, we made our own butter. And everybody had chickens. I, myself, ate 4 to 6 eggs a day. We didn’t know there was such a word as cholesterol. I cooked with hog lard.

I’ll never forget the day I stuck my hand in a chicken nest to fetch me a couple of eggs, and a large snake wrapped around my hand. Now, that made me lose weight – hauling tail out of there.

* The End *