October 15, 1999

Kids today are so sentimental! On Mother’s Day, they pull her out of the kitchen and say, “Mom, we don’t want you to do any dishes today – leave them in the sink ’til tomorrow.”

I was driving around the other day and I noticed that I was getting low on gas. So I started looking for a station that offered full service. In this way, I could have my tires, oil and water checked. I finally spotted one, so I drove in by the gas pump with a sign that said “Full Service.”

I waited and waited until at least a big, fat service attendant came out and asked me what he could do for me. I answered, “Fill her up and check everything.” He spoke in his low, scratchy voice, “This pump is out of order, so pull up to the next one.”

I pulled up to the next pump to be served, when the attendant came over and said that he was sorry, but that particular pump was self-service. He said, “Gas up yourself there, and if you want other service you will have to back up to the other full-service pump!”

In the meantime, another car pulled up at the full-service pump and I had to wait another 15 minutes for him to be served. Finally, he left and I backed up to the full-service pump.

While waiting for the garage attendant to check my car for oil, water and air, he told me that he was sorry, but the water faucet and air was at the self-service pump – soma I pulled back up to self-service and waited for the attendant. When he came, he said he was sorry, but he could only give that service at the full-service pump.

So I backed again to full service. The attendant came over and checked my oil, tires and water. In the meantime, there was a customer who wanted full service, so I accommodated him and pulled over to self service again.

Then I called the attendant over to pay him, but he said he didn’t accept money from the self-service pumps, so I had to go inside and pay him. I gave him a $20 bill, but he did not have change. So he said he would have to go in his vault to get change.

Well, after he looked and looked for the key to his vault, which he could not find, he called his wife to bring the key to his vault. She came in about 20 minutes later, but she brought the wrong key and had to go back home to get the right key. When she finally returned, the attendant opened the vault and behold – wouldn’t you know – there was no change in the vault.

By this time my patience was at an end. I didn’t know if he was running a racket or had a scam going, so I told him to just keep the change.

So every time I pass by this particular service station, I step on the accelerator as hard as I can because I never want that experience again.

I recently received the following letter from Irvin J. Aucoin Sr.:

“Dear Mr. Guzzetta,

“I have been meaning to write to you, after you took over after Mrs. Fannie, not being able to write her article anymore. We miss her, but we are glad that you took the step to have a column yourself.

“I am writing you now while it is still fresh on my mind.

“Friday, 9-17-99’s paper made me laugh so hard that my side hurt, and I cried tears while reading it. It is so true. I tried to read it to my wife, but I was laughing so much, I couldn’t read it to her.

“My wife read it right after I had finished it, and she laughed so hard, she made her side hurt and cried tears of laughter also.

“Thank you so very much for your article in Friday’s paper. I look forward to it every week.

“God Bless You, with great respect,

(S) Irvin J. Aucoin Sr.

“P.S. My wife Rachel G. Aucoin sends her regards to you and your family.”

* The End *

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